I spent all day in pubs before I met Reeves and Mortimer

Simon Day, 61, went from playing pool and flipping between dead-end jobs to becoming an international star with The Fast Show. Characters such as Dave Angel and Tommy Cockles propelled him into the limelight and helped fund his art collection. 

Recently on the road, his enthusiasm for touring accounts for the fact that he classes gigging as his biggest indulgence. Currently writing a new television series, he reveals that a fledgling writing partnership with Paul Whitehouse never got off the ground because they couldn’t stop talking about football. Day, a father of two, lives with his wife Ruth in north London.

What did your parents teach you about money?

My dad was keen to teach me the value of money. If I went on a school journey, I always had the recommended spending money, of £2 or whatever, while all the other kids had pockets full of cash. 

It was a bit like that – the basic school uniform, cheap shoes. The message was all about financial restraint, but I didn’t really take any of it on board at the time.

What was your first job? 

I got a job at McDonald’s in Woolwich, the first one in the country. They’d give you £3 worth of this science-fiction food a day. It was exciting, but I didn’t do well. I never got any stars. 

One night the manager, an American, asked me to clean down the steps. I wanted to know if this was overtime. He said no, so I downed tools and went home. It was the time of all the strikes and Paul Weller, and I didn’t want to know.

How did you get into comedy?

I got into comedy really late, when I was 29. Jim Moir and Bob Mortimer had moved in nearby and they were doing Vic Reeves in the clubs. I got to know them and they put me up to doing a talent night, which I won. 

After this, they took me on tour with them. The first night was terrifying, but after that I wasn’t really scared of anything. I’d get thrown off-stage now and then, but that was all. 

What would you have done if comedy hadn’t worked out?

I had no choice. It had to. I was 29, with no real skills. All my friends had been to university and got careers, while I was just playing pool. I couldn’t afford to fail at comedy, God knows what would have happened if I did. 

How did you get involved with The Fast Show?

I entered and won the Time Out New Act of the Year award doing Tommy Cockles, a music hall bloke, and got a slot on the BBC stand-up series Paramount City as a result. One day, Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson came down and mentioned they were doing a new show, full of characters, and I’d be great for it. 

Did you think it would be a hit?

I had a feeling it would do well. Everyone was really talented, ambitious and Paul and Charlie knew what they were doing with the characters; short sketches. It was a good, intelligent show, and we knew we were on to something.

Who was your favourite character? 

Probably Billy Bleach because I can just relax into him, bothering everyone at the fruit machines. That was based on me sitting around in pubs. I spent so much time in pubs where there are so many clever, intelligent people who could have gone on and done something but they can’t get out of the pub. 

What is your biggest indulgence?

I could say I love a Mars bar or a pack of Haribos, and I do eat a lot of junk. I’m allowed to do that, you know, and eat lots of crisps too, but it’s the gig that’s the treat, they’re lovely.

What were the best financial decisions you made?

Getting married, because when I started earning my wife said, ‘let’s buy a house’. The worst was turning down a regular slot on a Janet Street-Porter show called DEF II, because someone said they’d get me a sitcom, which never happened.

Do you invest?

I have a bit of art. I had a bit of money and bought some paintings, then the kids came along. I’d buy more art if I had a chance.

What’s the best advice you have for someone starting in comedy? 

When I started out, we all wanted to be in a band. I was in one, Paul, Charlie, Jim, they were all in a band. That’s what you did. In the 1960s, it was to be a poet or whatever. 

Now they want to be a comedian, that way they don’t have to share all the money with the band. All they have to do is moan about what mum and dad did. So, I say, be original.

Would you have been a success if you’d started in comedy at 19?

No. I was very lucky to have this guy called Mark Swan, who helped me shape the characters and wouldn’t let me slack off. I have chronic ADHD, and couldn’t sit still or focus for long. I’d want to go all the time, but he’d make me stay and work at it. Just like Paul needed Charlie. 

Paul and I have tried to write stuff, but we just end up talking about football. You need someone who’s going to be your half-man, half-desk, as they say.

Is there anything you would change about your life or career?

I probably wouldn’t swear so much.

Series one of The Fast Show is being repeated on BBC2 every Friday at 10pm.

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